a mysterious reward

I had a dream last night that I played in the jazz concert. I had sang and had lots of solos... and as it was happening, I saw myself on stage. An out of body experience, I guess you would call it. I had no control of what I was doing-- all I could do was watch it happen from out in the audience, but floating above the crowd as if I didn't even exist. The sounds were all muddled and everything was blurry. When the performance was over, everybody came up to me and told me how amazing it was, which I had a hard time believing. Somebody gave me a reward.. or what I thought was an award, but it looked like a pile of mail.

__________________

Why does everything have to affect me? Every word spoken to me, every dream, every glance, every touch... Why does everything have to shake my world and fill me with joy or doubt?

I need to stop analyzing and interpreting everything... searching for hidden meanings and emotional  nuances.

The end (officially the end of this thought)

It's hard to be productive after watching The Virgin Suicides.

There's no such thing as the "right reason" to do something.
God bless my inflated ego.

freezing and throwing

Freeze!
while I take this moment
to throw a sound at you
and you will feel something
whatever that is
and I will hope that
you feel what I feel
but you won't, you can't
you will feel something
to throw at someone
they will feel something
to throw at someone
and we won't know what
that something is or
who that someone is
but it won't matter
because we will be feeling
and if nothing else
we will be freezing
we will be throwing

the goal

what I want to do here:

1. write my ideas
2. entertain

what I don't want to do here:

1. use words that don't matter
2. describe shit that doesn't matter

The End.
I mean, The Beginning.